Personal

Dear Orlando, I love you.

“Love is the thread, the common bond we all share. When stretched globally, the world will know peace.”

13392056_10206732425496877_116688705130853958_o

This quote was on my friend’s bracelet that she bought at Disneyland and it only seemed fitting with what is going on in my city right now.  I couldn’t stop thinking while sitting at the airport.

I know that this entry is all train of thought, but here is what I wrote on the plane.

Five and a half years ago I got on a plane to do an internship at a theme park in a city I had only ever been to once. A city I associated with wizards, princesses, castles, Shamu, and magic. In that short time of my internship, I fell in love. In love with a beautiful city. A city that held beautiful people and beautiful connections. They call it the City Beautiful and now I call that city home. I was so impacted by the love of Orlando that I packed everything I had and moved there. I have been tempted to move but could never imagine my heart belonging to another city the way it belongs to this one. Four years ago, I moved into an apartment on Orange Ave with my boyfriend. We frequented the Target and the 7/11. We had lunch at the surrounding restaurants and every night we could hear the music from Pulse nightclub from our balcony. Many times, we would see people walking home from the club as it was viewable from that balcony. Now, I see these familiar streets and places on the news as a backdrop. I see interviews with former coworkers and social media updates from my circles of friends. Expressing heartbreak, confusion, fear, and reaching for understanding. Most of all, what I see is an outpouring of love. I am reaching deep inside to understand how I feel. How can this happen? You see these things happen to other people, you see the headlines, you see the news briefs. Your heart breaks for people you don’t know and you never think it could happen to you. Second and third level connections to me were lost. Friends were trapped. Friends escaped.

I woke up in California on Sunday morning to texts asking me if I was okay. Some of these from people I hadn’t spoken to in years. The thoughts of Orlando consumed me the entire day no matter how hard I tried to be present during the vacation I was on.

 

As I write this, my plane is descending into Orlando. I know when I land the reality of the situation will hit harder. There is a surreal element to all of this. To seeing the faces you know, the streets, the place you call home on television. I know that this tragedy will not break this city. It is seen in the performers across our city that continue to allow people to escape reality and the images going viral of hearts. Our strength is seen in the vigils and the community that exist here. I remember seeing Columbine on television, 9/11, and all the other tragedies. There was a disconnect, but a heartbreak still. I remember aching. I remember seeing other cities pull together for these locations. And now my heart, my city, my friends, my community are the object of this outpouring of love. There is too much hate in this world. I can only hope that in my lifetime we will see more love. I love all of you. I am going to make a post when I arrive home with a list of ways to help that I can find. From verified charities to blood donation list. If you have any please comment below so I can include. 
I may have come to this city only associating it with the theme parks but in my list of things I have originally associated Orlando with there is one thing that will never be incorrect. Magic. Orlando is the strongest city and the love that is here. Right now.  In this time of crisis is the magic.

 

-Roxanne

5 Things I Have Learned About Finding Myself

“Fairytales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.” – Neil Gaiman

I am considered to be in my late twenties now. How did that even happen? Does that make me qualified to tell people about how to find themselves? It probably doesn’t. Does it even mean that I have found out who I am? Yeah, it doesn’t mean that either. Why write this? Because somewhere out there, someone is asking them the same questions I ask myself every day. Maybe this will reach them. Maybe it will give insight to someone out there as to what fights exist when we are searching for ourselves whether you are a pre-teen, teen, or middle-aged or later.

As the title says I have narrowed down an extensive list about finding myself down to five things!

I was inspired to write this after realizing that five years ago, I packed everything that I could fit into my car, a 1999 black Pontiac Bonneville that I affectionally called Clyde, and I moved. I started a journey from the Keystone State to Sunshine State in an effort to find myself.

I had become resentful of the small town I lived in; feeling suffocated and lacking opportunities. I did the first thing that popped into my head. I moved over a thousand miles away. I had friends here already, but for the most part, I was starting over.

There are in no particular order, but let’s get started on what the five things I have learned about finding myself.

5. It’s okay to be afraid. As cliche as that sounds, it really is okay. The best results I have had in my life at one point were a decision that terrified me. Online dating? I have now been dating a man I met off the internet for 4.5 years and he is the love of my life. Applying for a job that you might not feel qualified for? The worst they can say is no. I have had my fair share of applications, rejections, and successes. The most rewarding jobs were jobs I was scared to take. I live on the cusp of fear and confidence meeting one another; never knowing which side I am treading on.

4. There are no regrets.  You might feel like you are regretting something, some moment, some choice in your life. But remember, at one point, it was exactly what you wanted. In movies, those are pivotal moments for main characters propelling them forward into their story and their climax in their timeline. I have found myself regretting a recent decision, but the more I have talked it out, the more I realize I don’t regret it. That point in my life is going to be a separate blog entry, but it got me to ask questions about my future. Which leads me to …

3. Ask questions. Ask yourself questions. Ask others questions. These will help you out so much. I have found myself recently asking myself what I want out of this life, where do I really see myself in five years, and what roads do I need to take to get there. Ask other people questions. I have met some genuinely interesting people and finding out about their lives helps you to parallel what they are teaching you to your own life. What you learn from others and what you hear from others can teach you more about yourself than you think.

2. Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. I thought that finding myself was a journey I had to take alone. That no one would be there to help me put together the pieces except for me. I thought to myself that it was no one else’s obligation to help me find out who I was. But guess what? People want to help. People want to be there for you. People want to teach you about yourself. I have asked for help more recently. I have become less stubborn. I have opened my heart more to asking for help.

and last, but not least

1. You will always be finding yourself. There is no particular grand finale of finding yourself and that is the best thing I have learned. I thought I would have an AH-HA moment. I thought that there was some sort of beauty in knowing every nook and cranny in my being and in my soul. There isn’t. The beauty I have found is rediscovering myself around every turn, every heartbreak, every disappoint, and in every joy and sadness that does exist.

I am 27, unemployed at the moment, finding myself and still breathing. That is beautiful. There is beauty in the journey, even when it feels like there is none.

If you are fighting to find yourself, to believe in yourself, or to even find the strength to keep going on this journey – know that you are not alone. At 27, I haven’t found myself. I have only just begun. Everything is leading me somewhere. And every moment will lead you to the next.

With Love from the Sunshine State,

Roxanne

Hey there! Hi there! Welcome!

 

Hey there! Hi there! Welcome!

Anna Maria

You’ve stumbled upon my blog. You’ve ended up here for some reason. So let me take a moment to introduce myself.

My name is Roxanne (or as some affectionately call me, Roxy). I am a 20something-year-old Pennsylvania transplant living in Orlando, FL.  I moved down to the sunshine state after my college graduation. I am a Mansfield University alumni (Go Mounties!) and received a degree in Mass Communication.

My passion for all things communication started in middle school when I had my first communications class and it followed me through the rest of my life.

So, why start a blog?

My last two jobs (working for a mouse 😉 and a cosmetics company) have filled me with joy and happiness and taught me two important things. One – I like to talk to people from all over the world and learn from them. Two – I like to teach people.

This blog is going to be personal, but it is also going to hit topics like weight loss, makeup tips and tutorials, reviews on products, my photography and a deep dive into my mind.

 

I hope that you will stick around and I hope you like what I have to say.
Don’t be shy and don’t be a stranger around here – leave comments, tweet me, find me on Instagram, or add me on Snapchat. I love all things social!

 

With Love from the Sunshine State,

Roxanne